Ned the Babysitter
by LMR
Summary: Norduus the Quasi-evil turns the explorers into children. Stupidity ensues. Please R&R.


Ned the Babysitter  
  
by LMR  
  
Summary: Norduus the Quasi-evil turns the TLW explorers into children. Stupidity ensues. Please R&R.  
  
Disclaimer: Only Norduus the Quasi-evil belongs to me, and actually, the name is sort of a rip off from Austin Powers. It really doesn't matter, though, because I'm not getting paid. There is a duck on my head. (I just wanted to make sure you were still reading.)  
  
Time: Takes place in an imaginary time that hasn't happened yet when all of the explorers are back at the treehouse (except Summerlee(), and N&V are back together (. This story has nothing to do with the N/V ship, but it's my fic, and my timeline, and they're back together (.  
  
Norduus the Quasi-evil liked to cause trouble. He had been causing a lot of trouble in the Zanga village lately. Jarl and his sister, Sohiaq had been picking berries when Norduus had switched their bodies. Jarl did not like being in his sister's body, it was starting to gross him out, and Assai wasn't thrilled, either. He had surrounded some of the villagers with gigantic pink bubbles so that they could not touch anything. They had to bounce around instead of walking, which made daily life rather difficult. And to top off his spectacular series of pranks, he turned Chief Jacoba into a goat.  
  
Assai, tired of the trouble caused by the Quasi-evil, went to her friends at the treehouse. Veronica found an ancient scroll with instructions to send Norduus back into the void, and Marguerite was able to read it. Ned, with his new ability to cross the barrier between the living and the dead, could seal the gates of the Underworld so that Norduus the Quasi-evil could never return. (Anybody believe that?)  
  
But about a month later, Norduus found an opportunity. An angry young man was wandering in the Cave of the Dead, the place where the Underworld and the Plateau met. He wished aloud for some way to exact revenge on his enemies. Norduus promised the man revenge in return for his freedom.  
  
Norduus wanted a little revenge of his own.  
  
Ned Malone was out at the lake bathing when Norduus the Quasi-evil came to the treehouse. The others were eating breakfast, except, of course, Marguerite, who was sleeping through breakfast.  
  
Challenger's eyes widened in horror upon seeing Norduus the Quasi- evil. "How did you get in here?" he demanded. "You couldn't have gotten past the electric fence and up into the tree without using the elevator. It's impossible!"  
  
"First of all," Norduus explained, "I am superhuman. I can do whatever the heck I want to. And secondly, when will you learn that nothing is impossible on this plateau? As far as the rules of nature go here, anything could happen with no logic behind it. Why, you could spontaneously turn into a goat."  
  
"I already did that," Challenger admitted sheepishly.  
  
"Figures." Norduus got serious again. "You imprisoned me in the void for many long months." He pouted. "It was dark and cold there. But nobody cared. Nobody ever cares about Norduus the Quasi-evil. Not even Daddy." His scowl returned. "So now, I will do the most Quasi-evil thing I can think of. I will take away every last shred of dignity that you have. I will not destroy you, I will let you destroy yourselves."  
  
He laughed in a very quasi-evil way, said a few funny sounding words that only Marguerite, who was still sleeping, could have understood, and disappeared.  
  
Suddenly, the room seemed taller to the explorers. As their minds went back to the minds of children, memories of their lives and the plateau were completely forgotten. Norduus sat back in his invisibility (he LOVED invisibility, it was his favorite quasi-evil power) and waited for the mayhem to begin.  
  
When Ned returned to the treehouse, Norduus was initially distressed. He had missed one, darn it! But he had been watching these children, and the more he thought about it, the more he decided that missing this one would be so quasi-evil, it might get him into the league of really bad bad guys, which was a step up for him. What better way to make this one, who had sealed him into the void, pay but to make him suffer the tirades of these weird, slightly deranged children?  
  
Ned found the treehouse in total disarray. And what was worse, the only occupants he could find were five little children he had never seen before. And one of the children had a crossbow pointed right at his head. Well, it WOULD have been pointed at his head, but it looked to him like the bow was heavier than the girl holding it. So as it turned out, it was aimed at what was, in Ned's opinion, a much worse place.  
  
"Hey, hey! Put that down!" he snatched the bow away from her. "How did you get up here? Where are your parents?" Two of the little girls, including Trigger Happy, suddenly looked sad and despondent. The boys shrugged. One little girl with warm brown eyes and wild blond hair smiled up at Ned. Mom and Daddy are out hunting. They'll be back soon."  
  
Ned looked carefully around at the children. Things were starting to fall into place. The girl who had spoken to him was dressed in a funny looking leather dress. And she obviously knew her way around the treehouse. Ned suddenly realized that he was looking at Veronica Layton.  
  
"How old are you?" he asked gently.  
  
"Five," she answered.  
  
He looked around at the little redhead in the corner reading, his brow furrowed in concentration. The blond girl pouting over the loss of her crossbow. The dark haired girl playing dress up. The mischievous looking boy ready to pull the hair of the girl playing dress up. Ned recognized them all. How could he not? But it was impossible! (Been there, explained that.) The most important thing was that he was here, and he was an adult. He would have to make sure they stayed safe, and didn't destroy the treehouse.  
  
He felt a tugging at his pant leg. He looked down to see Little Veronica smiling cheerily. "Hey Mister, you wanna play house? I'll be the mommy, you can be the daddy, and this will be the baby." She showed him a homemade baby doll.  
  
"Uh, maybe later, Veronica. I have to watch and make sure the others stay out of trouble."  
  
Veronica looked sad. "I understand."  
  
"Good. Well, play here, and I'll watch everyone from the corner.  
  
A yelp rang from the other side of the room. "Eeww! Don't touch me! You've got cooties!" Malone turned to see a bejeweled Little Marguerite knocking over everything in the kitchen running away from Little John Roxton.  
  
"Marguerite, John! Stop it right now! No running in the treehouse, and-" He was interrupted by a loud crash. Ned did a quick head count. George was missing.  
  
He headed downstairs to see what he was getting into. Once on the lower floor, his worst fears were confirmed. George had found his lab. He spoke quietly so he wouldn't upset the little boy. "George, you had better put that stuff down and back away before you do something. . . unpleasant."  
  
The boy didn't even look at the man behind him. "But if I mix these two chemicals, I'll great a really spectacular-" There was a loud pop, and the room filled with smoke. George was all right, but his face was a little sooty. "Reaction."  
  
"That's it!" He brought George upstairs with him. "You guys are not going to decimate this house. Everybody, we're going outside. Stay inside the fence, and don't TOUCH the fence. I mean that. Stay close to me, and ask before you, um, do anything."  
  
"Can I bring my dolly?" Veronica wanted to know.  
  
"Sure."  
  
She brightened instantly. "Will you be the daddy?"  
  
Ned sighed, worn out. "No." Veronica pouted so hard it looked like her lower jaw would fall off.  
  
Finn poked Little Veronica on the arm. "Hey," she said happily. "You wanna play target practice?" She lowered her voice. "I got my crossbow when that man wasn't looking."  
  
"No, thanks"  
  
Norduus smiled, unseen, and followed them down to the ground.  
  
"Hey, look!" George cried with delight. If you put a magnifying glass in the sun, you can start a fire! Look, it's starting! Isn't that neat!" Veronica momentarily looked up to see the rising smoke, then resumed her important task of pouting.  
  
"No, it's not neat, it's dangerous. Put it out." Ned felt like he was getting the hang of this thing. He could do this, he could make the best of whatever-"  
  
"YOU GOT MUD ON MY DRESS, YOU STUPID LITTLE TWERP!" By the time Ned turned around, there was mud not only on Marguerite's dress, but everywhere. She was stomping and splashing the entire area. Ned could do nothing but watch as she picked up a lump of mud and threw it right at Roxton's face.  
  
"Hey, you did that on purpose!" He tackled her to the ground, and now they were both completely covered in muck.  
  
"You want me to shoot 'em?" Finn asked excitedly.  
  
Ned took the crossbow again. "You, stop trying to shoot people. You," he pointed at George, "Stop trying to blow up the treehouse. You, stop pouting. And you two. . ." There was a long, quiet pause. "Well, you're acting like you always do but KNOCK IT OFF ANYWAY!" Here he stopped to breathe.  
  
Norduus the Quasi-evil (who is turning out to be only Semi-evil) reappeared at this moment. "That's it! No more! I have had enough of this absurdity! I am changing you all back to what you were before. . . whatever that was." He looked questioningly at Ned and gestured to the two children, who were, undaunted, still squirming and fighting in the mud. "Always?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Yech." He mumbled the funny words again, and they all returned to their normal states of existence. They didn't remember anything.  
  
Marguerite was covered in mud and she didn't know why, so using the keen deductive reasoning of a mature adult, she shoved Roxton into the mud. 


End file.
